Your Path to Happiness: Five Powerful Actions That Lead to True Long-term Happiness

If you're unhappy, knowing why and what to do about it is crucial. In a recent article titled Why Do I Feel So Unhappy? we discussed some reasons, both obvious and not so obvious, that may be contributing to your unhappiness. 

In that article, there are several key questions to ask yourself to get clarity and discover the root of your unhappiness.

If you are still trying to figure out why you're so unhappy, pause on this article. 

Instead, click on the link above to read the previous article to clarify why you're unhappy, then come back here to learn what to do to become happier. 

However, if you know the exact source of your unhappiness, then welcome! 

This article covers five actions you need to take to not just feel happier but build a happier life over time. 

Tip 1: Know why you're unhappy

Clarifying why you're unhappy is essential because "The first step in solving a problem is to recognize that it does exist," says Zig Ziglar. 

So, answer this question: 

• Why do I feel so unhappy?

"When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves," says Anthony A. D'Angelo. 

The second step in solving any challenge is to dig deep beneath the surface, and these questions will assist you in doing that. 

Next, answer these questions:  

• Are my needs met in my relationship with (my partner/friends/job/family/myself, etc.)?

  • If not, what do I need for them to be met?

• Is there someone or something that I need to forgive?

Tip 2: Declutter Your Relationships

You probably didn't see this one coming. 

We often ignore this area when it comes to decluttering because we underestimate the impact of relationships in our lives, whether good or bad. 

Relationships are among the few make-it-or-break-it decisions of our lives, yet we spend little time analyzing them. 

Instead, when we think of decluttering, we often simply do things like switch out our closets each spring and winter. 

We also spend a lot of time decluttering in terms of removing items that no longer serve us, bringing in new items, or just practicing being content with the remaining items we already have. 

It is very likely that after you declutter your home or office and get rid of things that have been reducing your genuine joy, you feel a great sense of relief. 

Yet, when did you last switch out the toxic relationships in your life for healthier ones? When was the last time you spring-cleaned your relationships? 

Why is it that we don't declutter our relationships? 

I am not saying that people are like things. People and relationships are definitely more delicate and complex. 

However, I am saying that people and things do tend to have a similar impact on our lives: either build up our lives and spike our happiness or completely drain our mental, emotional, and spiritual peace. 

Think about any toxic relationship(s) you've been in, whether romantic, friendship or with a family member. Now, remember how relieving it felt when you stepped away from that person or when that relationship finally ended. 

You can declutter by saying goodbye to the relationships and connections that you know drain you and instead find your tribe that is like-minded or those you're aspiring to be like. 

Don't just declutter clothes, documents, and other material possessions; declutter your relationships. 

Being in the wrong relationships is one of the greatest killers of our destiny, peace, and happiness. 

My model is that we should all be building relationships that bring us peace, not ones that tear us into pieces/apart. 

Tip 3: Actively invest in the good relationships

Good relationships make all of the difference and they must be nurtured to be sustained.

I've had my fair share of bad relationships, from the guy who couldn't communicate and shut down to the guy who truly believed that the way to show him I loved him was to battle other women for him. 

After some lousy relationship experiences, I decided to completely pause dating and focus on working for at least half a year while spending time in therapy and building my business. 

Then came one beautiful man. (Pardon me while I beam and blush from behind my keyboard 🙊)

I didn't want to give things a chance when my partner first came along. 

"I already told myself I'm not dating for at least these next six months," I shared with close loved ones. 

"Honey, you can do both," my Jewish mother said in all of her and the glory of her wisdom. 

I doubted it. 

But it's true.

In this relationship, I've been one of the busiest I've ever been, and my partner has been my calm in the midst of crazy schedules and emotional rollercoasters of working two jobs while starting a business. 

Recently, my partner pointed out how often I continue to cancel date nights to work on my writing and other things. 

I knew I was doing this, but I didn't realize how much of it I was doing. 

Although he's very forgiving, I know that if this relationship is as essential to me as I say it is, then I have to invest in it. 

I've committed to returning to our once a week date nights and giving him my undivided attention when we're spending time together instead of sharing my many ideas about blog topics and business-related items. 

I realized I could do both: work on my life's mission while being in a healthy, strong, and supportive relationship. 

This goes for non-romantic relationships as well. 

You might need to invest more in your romantic relationship, friendships, or relationships with your family, colleagues, God, and yourself. 

After this conversation with my partner, I realized that I needed to invest in all of the above, and my relationships are one area in which I will become very intentional about moving forward. 

You attract what you put out; ensure your attention is on the right things, and life will take care of the rest.

"Where attention goes, energy flows; where intention goes, energy flows," says James Redfield. 

If you focus on investing in positive relationships, you will have more positive relationships.

4. Forgive

"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die," my former pastor repeated to our Bible Studies class and to me each time I challenged the need for me to forgive.

I was struggling to forgive my father from layers of anger and resentment over the years. 

I often felt that if my father knew how angry I was at him (even though it was warranted) it would hurt him horribly. So, I held onto that anger tightly like a silky pillowcase.

But, although my dad didn't love that I resented him, I was the one who was suffering inside.

In my upcoming book, I share about a moment I had with my dad where I confronted him and finally shared from the depth of my heart that I forgive him.

Right in that moment, saying, "I forgive you and I hope you forgive me too for all the things I've said about you out of anger," finally felt as though someone pushed heavy bricks off my shoulders. 

I didn't realize until that moment how much emotional and mental weight I was carrying with me, all because I didn't want to forgive. 

From that day, I learned that forgiving someone was more for me than it was for the person; I needed the benefit of forgiveness more than my dad did and that was okay. 

Similarly, you may be holding onto grudge and hurt from a previous romantic relationship, from a friendship, from relationship with family/relatives, from yourself, or someone in your community (i.e. coworker or neighbor).

Take it from me, FORGIVE.

Forgive not because they need it, forgive not because they deserve it, but because you deserve freedom from that hurt.

Unforgiveness is a weapon that likes to steal the joy out of your life and drain you. 

Forgiveness is a powerful tool that can set you free.

You deserve freedom, so, forgive.

Tip 5: Quit & Start

Winners never quit, and quitters never win," says Vince Lombardi. 

I'm sure we've all heard it, and some of us have gone through life reminding ourselves of this quote. 

Although I still stand by this quote, I've learned that there can be a blessing in quitting. 

In a previous post, I shared about how I quit my pursuit of going to law school. 

I knew I didn't want to practice law and realized that going to graduate school wasn't the next best step for me. 

I wanted to be a writer, which has always been my thing. 

However, being from a family of immigrants, saying I am pursuing writing is like saying I want to stand on the side of the road and sweep the floor with my hair. 

Well, my hair is concise, not the golden locks type, so you understand how ridiculous telling my loved ones I want to be a writer sounded and still sounds to them? 

Shortly after letting go of my obsession with going to law school and trying to stick with it just because I had already told friends, family, and mentors, I quit.

Rather then sticking to pursuing law school or graduate programs overall, I went back to working on publishing my first book, which will be published in 2024. 

I launched my website, blog, and YouTube video, and the world has just been opening up. 

I am not recommending that you go around quitting everything. 

Deciding what to quit is a decision that only you can make. For feedback, consult a trusted therapist, counselor, or mentor/advisor. Feel free to reach out to me via DM or email if there are any questions I can answer. 

Most people stay far too long in something that was supposed to be for a season or that they were never supposed to be in: relationships, jobs, living in a town, field of study, holding onto material possessions, etc. 

If you don't quit the wrong things, you won't find or have the capacity for the right things, and if you don't find the right things or people, you will continue to remain in the wrong relationships and spaces, and that cycle will continue to tank your happiness. 

Remember, to be happy is a choice. Yes, some things influence it, but you can choose to make different decisions on any given day. 

I hope that one given day is today for you. 

Thank you for reading this article and spending your precious time with me! 

I love serving you by inspiring you with the mindset and practical steps for you to build relationships and a life that helps you thrive.

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I really appreciate any support you can provide.

Cheers!

Love,

Maman, Your Relationship Navigator