STOP THE CYCLE: The Inspiring Story Behind the Blog

What inspired this blog?

Not long ago, I was at work with a heavy heart, a heavy spirit, and a blurred vision, crying.  Someone who I love dearly has been in an intimate partner violence relationship, and this individual doesn't even seem to believe for themselves that getting out is a reality. 

Intimate partner violence, IPV for short, is defined by the CDC as, "...aggression that occurs in a romantic relationship... refers to both current and former spouses and dating partners." Some IPVs are physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, or financial. 

I was highly emotional that day at work because the person felt stuck yet did not even want to think of the possibility of leaving the Relationship except hoping that the partner and relationship would get better.  

Have you ever known anyone in this kind of situation, yet you know you can only do so much? 

Perhaps you're the individual who is in this kind of situation, and your family, friends, and loved ones feel that they can do only so much to support you. 

It's okay. I've been there on both ends. 

I was also once in a toxic and abusive relationship, and my loved ones dealt with the frustration of feeling limited in their ability to help me leave.  

Seeing someone I love go through it hurts me to my core for various reasons: 

• This is someone who now has to live either the rest of their life or many more years straight in survival mode.

• This is someone who may never fulfill their God-given destiny because a bad relationship has trapped them into feeling or believing that this life is their ultimate reality.

• This is a family with children who will now grow up to believe that violence and toxicity are the way of life like I once did. Even if the children don't believe that such a relationship is a good thing, they will find themselves struggling to break free from that cycle and possibly repeat that cycle in their own relationships and with their own children. This cycle will likely repeat generation after generation after generation. 

I was heavy in my spirit and crying that morning because I felt helpless, not knowing how to help someone that I love so much get out of such a relationship. 

I felt powerless and wondered how can I stop this? 

If only women and girls would just stop getting into these bad relationships in the first place, I thought to myself as I tried to contain the frustration within myself.

I continued working.

"Stop the Cycle." 

The phrase dropped in my mind and my spirit. 

I didn't understand it at first. 

I continued working.

Then it hit me!

I froze! 

 OMG!!!

"STOP THE CYCLE!!!!" 

"If you want to stop it, then you have to STOP THE CYCLE." I felt God strongly say to me.

I didn't ask how. I immediately knew that I had to do what I could with what I had. 

That's it! I need to do this the one way I know I truly know how: use my skill and gifts as a writer and speaker, I immediately thought.

So, Maman Cooper Speaks and Writes was born. Here I am, being a Cycle Stopper. 

Will you join me to Stop the Cycle? 

As a Cycle Stopper, I've decided to channel my passion for advocacy and healthy community building by focusing on the thing that is the cornerstone of our societies and the world: relationships, partnerships, and families. 

However, we're not here to drill you about families, whether or not you're a single woman or man or if you're someone who is dating, married, or with kids. 

Don't worry; I am not an African mother, well, at least not yet. 

Did I just lose you?

Well, African mothers are notorious for making it their mission to know about someone's love life and when the person is having children. Good news, I am not here to drill you about that.

A big piece of what we focus on at Stop the Cycle is you. Yes, you who are reading this.

Why?

Every Relationship is dynamic. A big factor in deciding who we date, marry, become friends with, work with, etc. is based on the Relationship we have with ourselves. 

So, at Stop the Cycle, we focus a lot on the Relationship you have with yourself and how to develop a healthier one with you, not just with others. 

What I've learned is that falling deeply in love with yourself in a healthy and supportive way leads you to attract healthy and supportive partnerships and dodge the bullets of toxic and abusive relationships.

Of course, we do want to talk about your desire to have a family or strengthen your Relationship with your partner and kids or others in your life who you serve as a caregiver in one way or another. 

Families are primarily formed through the romantic relationships that we have the privilege, or sometimes, disservice, of becoming involved with. 

We focus on families as the ultimate part of Stop the Cycle because there's a chain reaction.

The Relationship we have with our immediate family impacts the Relationship that we have with ourselves, which then impacts the Relationship that we have with a significant other. 

This pattern, in its own way (positively or negatively), impacts the relationship we have with our own children in the future or those that we care about and love, whether you're a teacher, caregiver, guardian, parent, etc.

 As children, we cannot help what we learn from our immediate families. But as adults, we can intervene on negative cyclic norms and make the choice to have it stop with us.

Our mere desire to Stop the Cycle of toxic and abusive relationship patterns that so many of us are exposed to and experience isn't enough.

Instead, we need to prioritize this area when we talk about personal development and how to improve our societies and raise healthier families.

Whether you're currently in a toxic relationship, struggling with the aftermath of an abusive relationship, or simply seeking to build healthier connections, Stop the Cycle is your resource for creating a lifelong of love, respect, and fulfillment.

In this community, we will discuss conversations that are definitely not the conversation starter at the cocktail and margarita evenings, along with the delicious calamari, or crab rangoon or artichoke dips…Okay now I'm hungry! But seriously, it's going to be tough sometimes, and we're going to get deep, but I know we can do this together.

Real conversations should not be happening only in therapy. Real and uncomfortable conversations bring us healing and deepen relationships. 

Real conversations should be normalized, and it's about time, don't you think?

My team and I truly welcome you to join us on this journey of transformation as we help people break free from the past and embrace a future of healthy relationships, strong families, and a world where love thrives.

Sometimes, you'll laugh. 

Sometimes, you might tear up a little.  

Sometimes, you might say, "OMG! I freaking love Maman." 

Other times, you might read a post, pick up the phone and call your close friends and say, "Yooooo, she is insane." 

Or sometimes, you might read or watch a video and might need a moment because something really spoke to you or because you wondered if I had cameras in your house because I hit the nail on the head.

Regardless of which emotion you feel and regardless of what stage of life you are at with the relationships and partnerships in your life, keep coming back because this Blog and my world will be worth your while. 

Pull up a chair! This journey of ultimately being a Cycle Stopper and creating a world that is much healthier in the way we relate to ourselves, date, relate to others, partnerships, and children is a journey that you're now a part of! 

Welcome to Stop the Cycle! I am so happy that we're now a team! 

Cheers and love! 

Maman, Your Relationship Navigator