Get What You Want Without Nagging: Effective Communication for Healthy Relationships (part 2)

Why do some people get what they want from their partner while others struggle to have their wants and needs met?

If you feel that you’ve constantly communicated your needs and wants with your partner but met with little success, you’re not alone. I’ve been-there-done-that and so have many others.

There are key things I’ve learned and it would be selfish of me to not share these tips with you!

First, if you haven’t read Part 1 of this article, click here to read the first five steps then come back to read Part 2 which covers 7 additional steps. 

Disclaimer: THESE TIPS ARE NOT FOR SOMEONE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. PLEASE SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY IF YOU ARE.

Part 2

6. Make Time 

Making time refers to making time for your relationship, for each other, and for spending time together.

The more time you and your partner make for each other and your relationship, the more you will get to know each other regardless of how long you’ve been together or how new the relationship is.

If you’re physically intimate, making time also includes making time for physical intimacy as well as emotional intimacy.

Making time provides opportunities to get to know how each of you thinks, process things, and communicate what’s working in your relationship. Making time also helps you to identify the areas in your relationships that need improvement.

Regardless of whether you’re long-distance or even living together, you may never get to know your partner as much as you will when you spend time with them. The best way to learn about someone is to observe what they say, do, and what they don’t say, and don’t do. You can learn those things by directly observing them over time. So, making time to get to know each other and how to communicate is critical.

7. Respect and Honor Your Partner 

No one wants to feel disrespected and dishonored regardless of their gender and age.

Respecting and honoring your partner means that you respect their boundaries, do your genuine best to meet their needs, and speak about and to them in a manner that honors them to a great level. 

These things get you what you want because when your partner feels genuinely respected and honored, they will naturally feel empowered and increase their desire to want to do the same for you.

8. Ask for support and provide support 

Healthy, strong, and supportive relationships are ones where both partners give and receive support. 

Support looks different for different people so this is where you both must communicate how you would like to be supported in certain situations.

One thing I would emphasize which I’ve learned from experience is that how you like to receive love and how your partner or someone else receives love can be very different.

So, always have open and honest conversations and communication about each of your needs.

And if you genuinely respect and honor each other, you will respect and honor each other’s wishes to the best of your ability without betraying yourselves in the relationship, assuming you're in a healthy relationship of course.

9. Stop (or at least minimize) criticizing your partner

“Babe, sometimes I just feel like I can’t do anything right because I can’t do something without you complaining about the way I did it,” my partner shared with me.

UGH! I AM SOOOO GUILTY OF THIS 😭😭😭

Right before that, he shared with me that he finds it very difficult to assist me in the kitchen when he comes to visit because I have many "dos and don’ts." As a result, he often finds himself walking on eggshells, afraid he would screw up.

No one wants to feel less than they are; and when you’re continuously criticizing your partner, you are communicating to them, “You’re not good enough,” even if that message is not your intention.

My new rule of thumb is if he's not going to burn the kitchen down, then I'm going to do my best to zip it instead of picking on little pet peeves that are not that critical in comparison to our relationship.

PRAY FOR ME! THIS WON'T BE EASY!

What areas are you criticizing your partner in? What are the rules of thumb you're creating for yourself?

Or perhaps your partner also needs to read this article.

10. Be More Appreciative 

"A person who feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected.” -source unknown.

The truth is that when people feel appreciated, it gives them a boost of self-esteem and they want to go above and beyond.

Instead of criticizing your partner so much, spend more time communicating appreciation to them.

Often, our partners can do 100 things well and we don’t spend a lot of time appreciating them for those things, yet, they can do one little thing wrong and we spend all of our time and efforts complaining about that 1 thing while ignoring the 100 things done well.

This then makes your partner decide, what’s the point of even trying if he or she doesn’t appreciate my efforts?

Disclaimer: Again, if your partner is abusive mentally, emotionally, financially, or physically, please do not abide by these rules, instead, get help IMMEDIATELY!

11. Anticipate Your Partner’s Needs

Anticipating your partner’s needs means that you show up and support them without them having to ask you.

For example, one time I had worked a 12-hour shift as usual and had just parked, heading up the hallway to my apartment while I was on the phone venting my frustrations to my partner that I still had to cook and then draft blog posts.

It was already after 10 pm which meant I wouldn’t start writing until almost midnight and have to be at work at 7 am the next day.

 “Yea I understand my Love,” he said.

Just as I walked in and went towards the kitchen, to my complete shock, there was dinner sitting on the dining table.

He had anticipated my needs and went to buy dinner to drop it off for me. So, the whole time I was on the phone complaining while walking down the hallways of my apartment, he had already taken care of dinner for me.  

“…for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap.” -The Holy Bible.

Doing even what may seem like the littlest things for your partner and anticipating their needs make a major impact on their heart and their lives.

As a result, a great partner will go above and beyond to meet your needs and at least reciprocate.

Be the partner who anticipates your partner’s needs and acts on them.

12. Negotiate 

You and your partner will disagree now and then regardless of how amazing you two are and how great your relationship is.

Because you’re two human beings, you are automatically non-exempt from disagreements.

A healthy, strong, and supportive relationship requires give and take and that is what negotiating in your relationship is.

When negotiating, you will sometimes meet right in the middle, and other times, one person will get more out of the compromise than the other person and that is perfectly okay as long as it's not one person always sacrificing their wants and needs for the peace of the relationship.

As long as you’re not compromising your safety and who you are, negotiation in a relationship is healthy and should be practiced.

Concluding, the steps covered in parts 1 and 2 are NOT FOR YOU IF YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. PLEASE SEEK HELP.

Following all of these steps will help you grow to become a better partner, improve your relationship, and create a healthy space that is mutually beneficial for both you and your partner, allowing your wants and needs to be met without nagging.

Some of these steps can also be incorporated into your friendships, your relationship with family members, and others in your life.

To get greater results in your relationship and other areas of your life such as finances, health, career, and five more areas of your life, I’ve created a detailed activity guide titled Change Your Life in 2024. Email me with the subject line ‘PDF’ to get a free copy ⤵

Email me for your FREE PDF Guide!

Please share this article with a friend or your partner who may need this information.

Cheers!

Love,

Maman, Your Relationship Navigator