Get What You Want Without Nagging: Effective Communication for Healthy Relationships (part 1)

I realized the problem wasn’t the men I wasn’t getting to know or the ones I’d dated; the problem was with me.

Which of these statement (s) relate to you?

• I’ve struggled to have my needs met by my partner.

• I’ve tried different ways to communicate my needs with my partner. Still, they’ve been met with my partner, who has put in efforts for some weeks or months only to eventually return to the same behavioral patterns I previously complained about.

• I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the relationship; I have to sacrifice a lot more, and if I stop, our relationship could fall apart.

If one or more of those statements relate to you, you're NOT alone. 

I've also been in relationships where my needs were not being met, and eventually, I had to accept the hard truth that whether or not my needs were being met by my partner was up to my choices. 

I've also had a partner who felt that their needs were not being met by me. 

Little to say, I've been at both ends of this situation, so you can trust that I will be giving you the best advice to get what you want from your partner without nagging. 

I went from repeatedly communicating my needs and being severely disappointed to being in a relationship with a man who meets them. However, to get there, I had to make some different choices. 

Part one of this article lists five choices I made and continue to make, and part two lists additional steps that will be posted next week. 

So, why do some people get what they want from their partner with ease while others struggle to have their needs and wants met by their partner? 

The steps in this article focus on YOU because whether or not you get your needs and wants met by your partner primarily starts and ends with you (contrary to popular belief that your partner is always the problem.) 

Regardless of how long you've been in the relationship, parts 1 and 2 of this article will empower you to attract the kind of relationship and partner who meets your needs without you repeatedly communicating those needs out of frustration. 

1. Evaluate Yourself: 

Evaluate what kind of relationships you've been attracting. Here are some key questions you can ask yourself (and be honest with the answers!):

• Do I primarily find myself in healthy or unhealthy relationships? Are my relationships starting strong and then becoming difficult? Do I enter relationships and accept certain things initially because I believe I will change the person?

• How did I learn about love, dating, and relationships? What did the adults in my life say about love and relationships while I was growing up?

• What are my thoughts and beliefs about the opposite sex, love, and relationships?

• Am I comfortable communicating my needs? 

• Am I bossy in communicating my needs, or am I too friendly and don't want to share my feelings and thoughts with my partner because I fear offending them or asking for too much? (aka, I don't want to rock the boat). 

This may be hard to hear, but the kind of partners you choose is determined by something within you. So find out what it is.

Taking time to evaluate yourself is essential, and a good therapist is highly recommended in this process.  💖

2. Work on Yourself:

You can’t attract past the level you’re on mentally and emotionally, and if you’re lucky to attract someone great without doing the work you need to do on yourself, you will lose that person or drag them into toxicity. I’ve done that, and it sucked for both the person and myself.  

Here are some ways to work on yourself:

• Forgive people you resent (parents, an ex-partner, a coworker/colleague, yourself, etc.), even if your resentment is warranted. Resentment keeps them in power over you, while forgiveness gives you freedom. 

• Work on assessing areas of your life that you need to improve on to achieve the kind of life you desire (career-wise, relational-wise, financial, etc.).

• Work on your mindset and limiting beliefs for different areas of your life.

3. Know Your Core Values: 

Your core values allow you to become stable in dating and relationship building. Even if you are already in a relationship, I recommend that you identify and learn more about your core values.

Why?

First, because your core values keep you focused on what matters most.

Second, your core values help you minimize all the little things about your partner and your relationship that you dramatize and turn into big deals.

Often, men and women go for someone they should've never dated or try throwing a great partner away because of insignificant things.

Sadly, both men and women who are throwing away a great relationship get support from others who are either unhappily single or very miserable individuals in their relationships.

Knowing your core values will help you check yourself. It allows you to assess whether something in your relationship or something your partner is doing is genuinely violating your well-being or if you may be blowing things out of proportion because you're simply in your feelings or not communicating your needs effectively. 

4. Choose Wisely:

Choosing wisely means choosing someone with the same set of values, working towards the same kind of long-term life, and handling conflicts in a way that suits you.

The wrong guy or girl will continuously be terrible for you, and you will continue to have a miserable relationship no matter how amazing you are when you choose poorly.

I will be writing a separate article on qualities to look for in the right partner, so subscribe to get that delivered to your inbox when I post it.

5. Communicate Honestly and Respectfully: 

You NEED to communicate your needs, wants/desires, and the overall mission and goals you've set for your life with your partner—PERIOD.

Be very clear on these areas of your life and have your partner communicate theirs with you.

Ideally, you should begin this process before you commit, whether agreeing to be their girlfriend/boyfriend, fiancé, or wife.

Communicate about conflicts and how to solve them; even after you solve a conflict, go back and reflect on the process you used to solve it.

The more you know, the better for the future of your relationship.

I hope this article benefited you and will significantly impact your dating life and relationships.

Part two of this article will be posted next week, which will include at least five more ways to get what you want from your relationship without nagging.

To get greater results in your relationship and other areas of your life such as finances, health, career, and five more areas of your life, I’ve created a detailed activity guide titled Change Your Life in 2024. Email me with the subject line ‘PDF’ to get a free copy ⤵

Email me for your FREE PDF Guide!

Please share this article with a friend who may need this information. Cheers! 

Love,

Maman, Your Relationship Navigator